Friday, July 11, 2014

Best Laid Plans

I'm back. Are you surprised? 

This week has been busy with appointments and general toddler-hood. 

Here's how it went down:

. Monday. We went to meet Batman with our friends at a locale summer kids event. HeRo was so brave. When it was time for our picture, he kind of sized up Batman, shrugged and then gave him a high five and posed for the pic. 

. Tuesday. I had an abdominal MRI. I was supposed to be there for 3 hours but ended up over 4. First they forgot to bring me my barium yummy ness, until after an hour I went and asked for it. 3 bottles and 45 minutes of choking it down they took me back to the tube. After 20 minutes they pulled me out to go walk for 15 minutes, the barium was stuck in my belly. 20 minutes later I was hooked back up and strapped back down and sent back in. 20 minutes after that I was being pulled back out,again!  My bowels were moving so much, I could feel them bouncing like a crazy alien baby was in there. The radiologist had to be called in to give me a shot to relax my bowels so a clear picture could be taken. It worked, yay. Back in for 30 more minutes to get the images. And I could finally leave. I missed another appt but the technician was kind enough to call and cancel for me. The afternoon I had planned went out the window and I went home to deal with nausea and pain the rest of the afternoon. Thank goodness for our awesome nanny!

. Wednesday. A good day. H has swimming lessons, which after6 months he still cries in anger through because I don't get in with him. We had an impromptu lunch date with our friends. The "I'm almost 2, crazyness sets in and we leave lunch in a hurry. Mommy and HeRo both are ready for nap. 

. Thursday. I have appointments and errands to do from Tuesday. H is with our nanny/his BFF. No nap for mommy today. Too busy. But too many spoons out. Glad the little buddy was happy to play outside before dinner and inside playing around me until daddy got home. 

. Friday. I'm hanging at the infusion center. When I got here they said they had me down for next Friday. I was not happy. I could tell the scheduler was preoccupied when I called last week. I should have double checked. Thankfully someone else cancelled and they fit me in. I didn't have to wait too long either. So although the plan was amiss all turned out. 

Theme of the week, and many weeks, days: being a mommy and a spoonie means that the best laid plans often get ruffled. We just have to go with the flow as best we can. 

Friday, June 13, 2014

Reboot


As usual, some of my loyal and loving peeps, have over the last few weeks gently reminded me about this little space and how it's been a year since I updated. My mom then flat out told me it was time to start writing again, that others find it beneficial and that it's always been good for me mentally. 

When mama tells me to do something, which isn't often, I listen. So here I am:) 

And I also happen to be at the good old infusion center and I will be coming here once a month, which gives me scheduled time to post. No other excuses. 

I really do have things to say, no shock there. Parenting with a chronic illness, living in a world where people judge what they can't see and the implications for those with invisible illness, tales from my medical trists, and updates on the hubs and our little HeRo of course. 

Still working through where to start. And currently I can only use one finger to type since my IV lkeeps pinching. So I'll just post a few pics and be on my way. I've missed this space, but the farther I got from it the easier it was to say it didn't matter anymore. But I know that's just not true. My soul needs it and maybe you do too. 




Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Live from the Infusion Center

Here I am, at the infusion center for the third of 3 iron infusions this round. 

I'm pretty much back to my normal, status quo of tolerable pain and issues, thank goodness. The cdiff seems to be gone, woo hoo. 

My Crohns flare seems to be simmering down too. I do have a distended spot on my belly that we need to watch for possible obstruction, so we'll see how that goes. 

So after today, barring any pipe ups from my body, i don't have to see my GI for three months. Yippee. 

I narrowly avoided the hospital on this last little adventure and I will do all I can to keep it that way. 

As for other news, all is well on the home front. Our little HeRo is 9 months old, crazy! Inch worming around like crazy and making us laugh all the time. 

We are getting ready for a busy summer, so I need to remember to listen to my body and be smart. It's all such a crazy game I'm still trying to master with this little vessel of mine, but I'm doing the best I can. 

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Mothers Day 2013


"I did not give you the gift of life, life gave me the gift of you."

Words really can't express how blessed, loved and thankful I felt celebrating Mothers Day for the first time as a mother to the boy who was meant to be our son. I love him and can't believe I get to spend my days with him. 

I think a combination of having fought so hard to have my dream of motherhood come true and the beautiful, yet emotional journey of adoption, make me especially thankful for Mother's Day, not as a reason to celebrate me but to celebrate dreams coming true and reflecting on the journey to get to our HeRo. 

And as I do everyday, I felt so loved. The hubs made my day so special. All I wanted to do was spend a low key day with my boys, after all HeRo is the reason I can celebrate this day in a different way now. And although our day was quiet, the hubs found so many ways to make it beautiful. He made, with special touches by our HeRo, the painting above and I was so overwhelmed with the thoughtfulness (and the neatness of his handwriting:)!) i will cherish it forever! I love that man so very much and am so thankful our son gets him as a daddy, he will learn how to be a great man from him. 

I was also showered with love by so many people who remembered it was my first Mother's Day. The goodness of people amazes me and reminds me to be better everyday. 

We also celebrated Mother's Day with HeRo's birth family this weekend. They are amazing people and his birth mother deserves to be recognized. Because without her selfless sacrifice for her son, I would not be his mommy. I will never take that for granted. 


"I will never forget that I became a mother through the heartbreak of another."

Open adoption can be hard, but I believe for us, it's the best we can do for our son. And after our dinner, it just felt right and peaceful that we had celebrated two mothers joined together by one very sweet and special boy on this second weekend in May. 

It was the best Mothers Day weekend I could have hoped for. It was more than I dreamed it could be as I wrote my Mother's Day posts in years past. 

I'm so lucky. I really am. 

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Time to Dust This Thing Off

Well holy cow, it's been exactly six months since I've updated this little ol' space of mine. I've missed it, I really have and I am continually humbled and thankful for the people who gently remind me that they'd love to see some updates here. It makes me feel so loved that people still check in here after all this time. So thank to whoever is out there.

The last six months have been a whirlwind. Our little HeRo, is now 8 months old and seriously getting cuter by the day. His personality and cuddles and just overall being, make our days go round.

He's on the verge of crawling and our lives are about to change again, with a mobile infant. Oh boy:) I will say that we have been very blessed with a mild mannered little one and that combined with the pretty great schedule we've got going make things go pretty smoothly.

Now if only I could say that my body was cooperating with me. But alas it's not. I'm actually typing this from the good old Infusion Center as I wait for my iron infusion. I've been on a bit of a downward the last three weeks or so and went in last week to see my GI. Turns out, Crohn's is flaring, Ferratin levels are extremely low (hence the iron infusion), and we found out just yesterday that I have the dreaded C-diff infection again. Not fun, not good on the pshyce, but as ever just taking one day at a time. Doing the best I can and snuggling my boys, because they are what keep me going.

There is so much more to say, so many thoughts swirling in my head that have been there for months now. How do I keep up here on my blog that is such a place of therapy for me, when really on most nights after our HeRo is in bed, I just want to have dinner and hang with the hubs.

How do I work through my guilt of being a "sick" mamma to the sweetest boy on the planet?

How do I convey how truly happy I am, and still talk about my disfunctional body and not make my life sound bad or that I'm ungrateful?

Because here's the thing, even though living in this body is hard on a good day and downright ridiculous in times like I'm having now, I have a wonderful, blessed and happy life. The hubs and I thank our lucky stars everyday for our HeRo. And HeRo or not, my body would be doing what it's doing. And let me tell you, he makes the best distraction when I'm down and hurting and all those years of not having him, make me certain we were all meant to be together.

I won't overpromise on posts, but I will say that getting back in the swing of things. Clearing of the dust and writing is a big goal of mine. It's good for me and if it helps just one other person well then that's a cherry on the top. So we'll see how it goes. I have two more infusions this month, so that gives me good writing time.

Consider the blog Spring Cleaned!

And now what you really want, pics of the cutest boy in the world;)









Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Weird Encounters of the Rude Kind

(This picture has nothing to do with this post. It's stinkin hot down here, but that means that HeRo got to wear his World Champion, SF Giants gear today that his uncle J sent him! SoCal boy or not, he'll know which team he must root for in this family.)

Anywho, to the point of this post. I have had a lot of people, mostly just in innocent curiosity, look at me and then look at HeRo and then sometimes ask how old he is and then comment on how great I look. Obviously they are confused about how I can be so thin with such a newborn in tow. For the most part I understand these people are just being curious and they have all been kind about it and I either smile and nod and say thank you or politely explain that he is ours but we adopted him, until today. 

HeRo and I went to the polling place (whichever way you are voting and for whomever, I hope you went out and voted) and encountered a very shocking conversation. 

Polling Place Lady: "That is NOT your baby!"
Me: "Well yes he is."
PP Lady: "NO you are WAY too skinny to have that baby."
Me (shocked and caught off guard: "Oh thanks, he's adopted."
PP Lady: "Oh so you cheated."
Me: "Yes that's exactly what I did. Um can I have my ballot please."

There was no hello from this woman and I didn't even know she could see HeRo, he was in his car seat that I set on the floor and she was behind the table. Also, let me just state the tone of this was just brazen and rude, not shock and awe like "oh dang girl you look good no way you can have a baby that small, you go."

Honestly I'm just so shocked, not hurt or did I even take it personally. I do wish I hadn't felt the need to explain that he was adopted, it was none of her business and clearly she's also misguided on the adoption process if she finds it to be cheating. I should have said, "Oh shoot you are right I don't have a baby, picked this one up outside."

I get that people have no filter, that they can be naive and down right stupid. And I also know this woman probably wasn't intending to be as rude as she was, she just doesn't get it and that's ok. But this is just another reminder to me that you should not judge a book by it's cover. You don't know what people have gone through and just because they look good to you on the outside doesn't mean they've had it easy. And to assume that adoption is the easy way out of not having to get "fat" being pregnant is laughable. 

Just another day in the life over here. I know we'll encounter comments from ignorant people forever and I also know we won't have to hear it near as much as interracial families or white families who adopt children of other races or vice versa. 

But come on people, it's all about how you phrase things. If you have a question that's fine, but think before you speak or if you just don't have anything nice to say, remember what Thumper's mommy taught him in Bambi, "don't say anything at all!"

Happy Voting Day!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Happy Halloween

We celebrated HeRo's first Halloween last night! My boys dressed up as Carl and Russell (the old man and boy scout) from Up, the Pixar movie. They looked adorable.

HeRo got to do some Trick or Treating with is best gal pals, Sleeping Beauty and the Geisha. Unfortunately no picture of the three of them.

Enjoy the pics we do have.