false

That is the official answer to the big question from this post.

Am I better? Well apparently not and we finally think we know why.

You see I was supposed to have an appointment with SSD today at 10:30, but earlier in the week that SSD had a medical emergency and was now on leave but that I could see British Surgeon Dude at 9:30 instead. I thought about it and decided since I didn't have any real changes that I would just cancel the appointment all together and reschedule for a few weeks. No sense in wasting time going down there for them to tell me we had to keep waiting and seeing. I didn't want to deal with that, not this week.

Well as usual my body had other plans and apparently had it's heart set on going to the 9:30 appointment. At about 2 a.m. this morning the all too familiar excrutiating pain started and I was up for the next few hours, which eventually woke the hubs up, which lead to me falling completely apart and crying hysterically. Oh yeah good times. The b.astard abscess had filled up again!

So after talking over a couple of scenarios, we decided I needed to call, knowing full well they would say to come down right away. And that's precisely what happened.

I'm not going to sugar coat anything, this totally sucked. It sucked that the hubs had to take more unexpected time off. It sucked that I knew all along that the damn thing wasn't gone. It sucked that we were relieving the nightmare again -- Ground Hog's day Chronicles of Crap style.

We made it to SD and saw British Surgeon Dude. He said that it was time for another CT. That because the abscess hadn't healed on it's own with all the intervention it could be that there was either something left in there, the abscess just never full drained or another underlying cause. Doing the CT again now would hopefully show us something.

And thankfully now that we have the PPO we were able to just walk over to imaging and do the CT today, no waiting for approvals, and then we walked back to the office for the info.

Once back with BSD, I got up on the table thinking he was going to try and drain something today, but that was not it. He came in and explained that they saw infection around where the pouch and stoma meet. And also infection in the muscle over my right hip. Underlying problem looks to have been found.

So what does this means, well the only way to fully know exactly what is going on and fix it is to go back into surgery. Yes you read that right, another SURGERY. Open my incision again, take out the pouch to clean it up and put it back in, staple me back up and give me a fabulous 3-5 night stay at my favorite place...the hospital.

I'm in shock. I'm thankful the CT finally showed something. I'm infuriated that I have to have another major surgery. I'm so tired of all of this. I want to get off this train.

I know, I know, it's good they found something, this is going to be it, just one more step. And yes while I want so desperately for that to be true, and I do believe that cleaning out this infection will get rid of this problem I knew was bigger than anyone believed for the last 7 months, I feel defeated AGAIN.

Yes I will get through this, yes I will keep fighting. But you know what today I don't want to. Today I want to wave my little white flag, flip the bird to the cosmos, crawl under my covers and stay there for days.

I won't of course, because that's not me. But forgive me if I'm not jumping for joy that they FINALLY figured it out. I'm too tired and beaten down for that.

Surgery will either be June 22 or 29 (I'm pushing for the 29th.) I should know next week. I'll let you know.