I've been estranged from a friend I was once so close to, for over three years now. We used to get together at least a couple of times a week and bond. But once I got sick this friend became mean and vicious and it created quite the toxic relationship. I tried to go back, but I always got hurt, so I finally had to cut this friend out in March of 2007.
I've been hoping that eventually we'd find a way to reconcile, that the seperation was temporary. It was bleak at times, it really was. I craved that friendship so much. I was jealous of others who got to have it.
And then I became quite scared of it and it tormented me. I got nervous just being around this friend.
I was inspired by my K-pouch sista Sue, who forged the road ahead of me a few weeks ago. So last weekend I decided it was time to conquere my fear of this friend. It was time to begin the slow process of mending my relationship. There is really nothing this friend can do anymore to hurt me, maybe put up a few road blocks but nothing I can't navigate around.
And since I'm in quite the feisty mood these days, I said, "Carpe Diem, go after what you dream about Al!"
And so that's exactly what I did last Saturday night while out with the hubs for dinner. I did it people, I ATE lettuce. And as the song says, "Reunited and it feels so good!"
I only ate a few shreds of lettuce and waited over my next few empties to have to dig it out my tube, but alas nothing. So over the course of the last week I've had a few pieces of lettuce here and there. I'm not getting crazy or anything, no full salads for me yet. But when you've been estranged for so long it's important to take baby steps.
I haven't opened my heart totally, but the wall is coming down. I still get nervous when I'm going to try eating (I mean speaking to) this friend again. But so far so good.
It's the little things in life people. Eating lettuce is me showing "the man" who's boss!
Today it's a piece of lettuce, tomorrow it's on a burger, and then the mother load, someday a big old salad all to myself, yum!