Here We Go Again

So it's here, the night before surgery and I can't say I'm happy about it. It's just like ground hog's day again, we've been here so many times before. Will this outcome lead us to never be here again?

It's been a rough two weeks for me both mentally and physically. I've been in a great deal of pain, dealing with no appetite, horrible gas, rolling stomach pains in addition to the usual right hip pain and abscess pain.

Mentally, I'm just detached. I'm defeated, I'm angry, scared and a little sad. I feel guilty that I'm not my normal gung-ho, cheerleader self. But I know I can't be that way this time. I'm thinking good thoughts that this will get me going in a better direction but I'm also realistic too. Where has my lets go, this is going to go great, this will be it thinking gotten me, well not very far and to be quite honest very dissapointed.

So for tomorrow the best I can do is show up with a good attitude and just see how it goes. I'm worried about what I will find when I wake up. Remember they don't know exactly how extensive the infection is or where it's spread too, it is a very real possibility that they will have to rebuild my entire pouch, hopefully not but I have to be prepared.

Hopefully they will be able to just pull my pouch out and clean EVERYTHING out and close me back up.

We shall see. But good news is I have some great things to help me recover.

My brother, sister-in-law and niece sent me the coolest thing ever. My very own designer hospital gown! See below. I can't wait to be the stylin one on the surgical floor. There is nothing that helps a girl feel better than a cute outfit.

Then when I get home, I get to relax on this beauty. It was delivered this week and I love it, it's so soft. While we are down in SD this week our kitties will break it in for me.

Tomorrow will walk back into the hospital, hoping for the best outcome. Surgery is at 10:30. The hubs is back on blog duty until I'm back in action. Thank you for all your love and prayers, I really do feel them and this time they are what are really pushing me forward.

See you on the other side...again!