Friday, February 5, 2010

Among the Angels

I know I've spent many a post on my incomprehension of time. How it passes both so slow and yet so fast. Well today brings me racing right back to the conundrum that is time. You see today, would have been my dad's 56 birthday! It's seems so surreal to me that it's already been one whole year since I wrote this post and almost three whole years since he physically left our world.

I don't think it will ever get easier to totally accept that he is living and loving amongst the angels. But as I said last year this is a day to celebrate, to rejoice in the fact that he lived and he lived BIG.

One of the things I worry about is that people will forget that he LIVED. But I was reminded twice in the last few weeks that is not the case. While I was in Nor Cal in mid-January, my Father-in-Law -- who is very involved in the Rotary Club -- presented my mom and I with a Paul Harris Fellowship in my dad's name. After my dad passed, my FIL kindly decided to donate $1k in my dad's name to help support the many wonderful organizations the Rotary is involved in. It was so touching and warmed my heart so much to have my dad talked about in such a public forum, thank you to my FIL for keeping his spirt alive in such a special way.

And then yesterday, my mom and brother were able to interview 5 candidates for the scholarship program we started in my dad's name. The program is dedicated to helping worthy police recruits who have decided to pay their own way through the police academy. When asked what the scholarship would mean to them, two of the applicants responded that it would be an honor because it meant that we felt them embodied the same spirit and integrity that my dad did and in that moment I knew he was still with us. My dad would have loved this program as he was all about Paying it Forward!

I have so many other things I want to say, but I will keep it simple. With the very exciting impending arrival of my brother and sister-in-laws sweet little baby girl in the next few weeks, I know that the spirit of my dad is all around us. And I know when we look into Baby G's eyes, a part of my dad's sparkle will shine right back at us. My dad would be so giddy about his first grand-baby and I can just imagine all the things he would teach her -- good and bad;)

For now I will hold to that imagery and try not to dwell on how very much we all miss him and need him. He's been with us this whole time and now this little girl will bring a physical part of him back. How blessed are we?

Happy Birthday dad. I'm sending you a big old hug and lots of kisses and hoping that your angel buddies are treating you right on your big day. I imagine you holding "court" as you so loved to do and it makes me smile. I LOVE you so, so much. MWAH!

Now everyone go out there and Pay it Forward.


a vida e bela said...

Beautiful Al:-) I know he is beaming with pride over you. I remember reading your blog a year ago on your dad's birthday and sharing the story with Tony. Crazy that a year later they just may know each other up there amongst the angels. I know that baby G will know her Grandpa through all of the wonderful stories and memories shared with her as she grows up and that he will be watching over her from above.

Sarah @ When two becomes three... said...

I connected with you further after reading this post. Losing our Dad's so young and feeling such loss totally bites. (for lack of a better word)
I totally identify with how much you loved your Dad and now identify with your loss.
The greater the love, the greater the loss.
I remember waiting upon the arrival of my nephew who would have been my Dad's first grandchild and feeling those very same emotions that you are going through.
Thinking of you today and your Dad and I know that he would have been incredibly proud of you.

P.S. I have been meaning to get over here to answer one of your comments. Busted up computer seriously complicated this venture. I just want you to know that my grief about not having more children isn't all consuming. I just get hit with it on some days but it passes. It's not like the grief I felt before Miss B was on the way. I can be easily distracted out of it but it's still there and I am just the type that prefers to acknowledge it.
Did you go to the adoption seminar?