1. Although, Cigna -- our insurance -- and the surgeon's office say everything is a go. They are both still waiting for my dumb network/IPA to send the contract to the surgeon's office. Our Care Advocate says to just go ahead that she is making it her personal mission to no matter what take care of this. So we will proceed. But I can't help thinking that something will fall through, I mean track record speaks for itself. I just wanted a definite yes before entering this weekend so I could fully dedicate myself to getting mentally prepared for this MAJOR surgery. Which leads me to my next point.
2. Who would seriously jump for joy over major, life-changing, hard abdominal/intestinal/butt surgery? Sure I'm absolutely positive that this is the best solution for the situation I've been dealt. I'm thankful that this continent ostomy is an option and that I'm going to the best surgeon, however this is no miracle. It is going to be A LOT of work, pain, and adjustment both physically and mentally. I'm ready to do all of this, but it's important to remember that this is not one of those surgeries, say like having your appendix removed, where in 4-6 weeks I'll be back to "normal." Nope normal left this body a long time ago.
3. When people ask me if I'm "excited", I would say that's not really an accurate emotion for this situation. I'm hopeful for what this will mean for my quality of life. I'm ready to get on with life. I'm confident that I can do this. But realistically those hopes and feelings won't be realized for another couple of months.
4. Although I know I'm not "normal" and I don't have to be "normal", I still have to fully accept that this procedure will return my quality of life but it is something I will have to maintain and it will never be close to "normal." Again, I know that's ok, but I need to be into my recovery and living this day to day to accept this as the new normal.
5. As I've said before, this is not a cure and end all. Hopefully it will stave off most issues. But my body will always be my body, I will always have autoimmune issues. I'm ok with this, I've been ok with this since I was first diagnosed with UC. This is just another step in that journey.
6. I know they don't mind and want to do anything they can to get me on my road to wellness, but this will put a large amount of physical and emotional stress on both my hubs and my mom -- my primary care takers. They are an amazing team, and because of so much practice have a great hospital system down. But I can't help but think of how this affects them too. I love them too much to not acknowledge this.
I want to say that I do believe this will happen next week and that we are as ready as we can to jump into this next journey. Ready to face the challenges that are in our immediate future. Confident that this is the right choice for me. Ready to get into 2010 and realize the dreams we've been waiting so long to embrace. We appreciate all of your love, support and prayers and will continue to need all of those to get us through.
Over the next couple of days I will post details about my actual surgery. While I'm in recovery my hubs or mom will update this blog so you can all be informed.
Thanks again for your patience and willingness to stick with us on this windy journey. Love you all.
Posts
5 comments:
This line made me laugh out loud: When people ask me if I'm "excited", I would say that's not really an accurate emotion for this situation.
I love that you can still be funny through all this. Our fingers, toes, legs, hair...everything we can...are crossed that this happens next week and that you get your answers ASAP. We love you!
This eBlogger is very confusing? I left two comments on your blog one for you and another for Mrs. Newton. They both appeared to post. You had a total of 3 comments on 23 October 09 post "Date" When I came to your site today to see if there was a response both post were gone and your comments are back to 1? Am I doing something wrong? This is my first time to use eBlogger.
Thank you
Clipper,
Welcome to blogging. You did not do anything wrong when posting your other comments. I saw your two comments last night and I deleted them. I was a little uncomfortable with your request to both Mrs. Newton and I to ask further questions privately without any inclination as to what those questions would be.
Both Mrs. Newton and I take our personal internet safety very seriously and that's why on my blog you won't see full names or descriptions of exact location etc. That is also why, as you noticed Mrs. Newton's blog is private -- it is only open to family and friends who she personally invites (through a feature here on blogger) to read it.
I see that you have started a blog but it has no posts or information on what type of blog it will be. I'd be happy to answer general questions for you here in the comment section, but am not comfortable with giving you or any stranger my personal email address.
I hope you find the information on this blog helpful, I'm not sure how you came across it. I leave my blog open because I hope to help people suffering chronic illness, through my own experiences.
Again, feel free to post your questions here -- I'll answer them the best I can. Happy Blogging.
Al
Hi Al,
Thank you for responding. I was wondering if it was a security concern. I completely understand your reason for that. I also have security concerns plus privacy concerns. I read through your entire blog yesterday and took away several things. One was that ulcerative colitis is terrible in so many ways but also the way you have dealt with all the other things that come with it. I've been impressed. Also I asked about Mrs. Newton purely because I've noticed she has followed you from the beginning and I'm curious if she has UC? Was a friend from before? Or if she doesn't have UC and wasn't a friend from before but has been supporting you through this as a stranger through the kindness of her heart? The latter is what it appears to me and I find that also impressive. As I mentioned before I'm a very private person and dont like talking about my problems and only created the blog because I thought I had to in order to comment on your blog. None of my friends know only my family that I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis around 6 years ago. I've suffered from a flare up for over a year and have been on medical leave from work the whole time. I have been on a few different therapies to try and recover but have special circumstances which are causing me to lean toward a total colectomy. I am very confused and have minimal people to talk with. That is why I have found some peace in your blog and by the fact that Mrs. Newton has been there for you. I will quit rambling but wanted to give you an understanding of why I made the post I made. I'm sorry if I alarmed you in any way and understand your concerns. The email I have given you is a secondary email and not my primary. I don't give that out either but have found the secondary one to be useful for uncertain situations. Thanks again for replying and I hope we can chat in the future. I have many questions that maybe sometime you may be willing to respond to although I understand you have enough on your plate than to be a therapist for me. : ) Blogging in the open makes me very uncomfortable. Just have always been very private.
Hi Clipper,
Thank you for your response and for understanding my security concerns. I'm so sorry you are dealing with UC! I would be happy to email with you through my secondary email address as well. I did not get your address, so here's mine and you can send me an email. thechroniclesofcrap@hotmail.com
My purpose is to help others going through the same thing. I'm very fortunate to have a wonderful support system, but I know that's rare. Mrs Newton is one of the people in my real life who has been by my side as a wonderful friend for a long time.
Email me any questions you have and also realize that most people who have a total colectomy and j-pouch go on to leave awesome post operative lives free from UC. I'll lookout for an email.
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