1. Although, Cigna -- our insurance -- and the surgeon's office say everything is a go. They are both still waiting for my dumb network/IPA to send the contract to the surgeon's office. Our Care Advocate says to just go ahead that she is making it her personal mission to no matter what take care of this. So we will proceed. But I can't help thinking that something will fall through, I mean track record speaks for itself. I just wanted a definite yes before entering this weekend so I could fully dedicate myself to getting mentally prepared for this MAJOR surgery. Which leads me to my next point.
2. Who would seriously jump for joy over major, life-changing, hard abdominal/intestinal/butt surgery? Sure I'm absolutely positive that this is the best solution for the situation I've been dealt. I'm thankful that this continent ostomy is an option and that I'm going to the best surgeon, however this is no miracle. It is going to be A LOT of work, pain, and adjustment both physically and mentally. I'm ready to do all of this, but it's important to remember that this is not one of those surgeries, say like having your appendix removed, where in 4-6 weeks I'll be back to "normal." Nope normal left this body a long time ago.
3. When people ask me if I'm "excited", I would say that's not really an accurate emotion for this situation. I'm hopeful for what this will mean for my quality of life. I'm ready to get on with life. I'm confident that I can do this. But realistically those hopes and feelings won't be realized for another couple of months.
4. Although I know I'm not "normal" and I don't have to be "normal", I still have to fully accept that this procedure will return my quality of life but it is something I will have to maintain and it will never be close to "normal." Again, I know that's ok, but I need to be into my recovery and living this day to day to accept this as the new normal.
5. As I've said before, this is not a cure and end all. Hopefully it will stave off most issues. But my body will always be my body, I will always have autoimmune issues. I'm ok with this, I've been ok with this since I was first diagnosed with UC. This is just another step in that journey.
6. I know they don't mind and want to do anything they can to get me on my road to wellness, but this will put a large amount of physical and emotional stress on both my hubs and my mom -- my primary care takers. They are an amazing team, and because of so much practice have a great hospital system down. But I can't help but think of how this affects them too. I love them too much to not acknowledge this.
I want to say that I do believe this will happen next week and that we are as ready as we can to jump into this next journey. Ready to face the challenges that are in our immediate future. Confident that this is the right choice for me. Ready to get into 2010 and realize the dreams we've been waiting so long to embrace. We appreciate all of your love, support and prayers and will continue to need all of those to get us through.
Over the next couple of days I will post details about my actual surgery. While I'm in recovery my hubs or mom will update this blog so you can all be informed.
Thanks again for your patience and willingness to stick with us on this windy journey. Love you all.