Eye Opening

This week has brought me lots of eye opening experiences. My emotions have run the gammet, but what has prevailed is my renewed sense of fight, my gratitude for the wonderful people around me and my appreciation for the little moments that make your day.

So now that I have you on the edge of your seat. What has gone down, I will tell you, but be prepared it's another long winded post (my speciality)

1. I received a letter from UCI guy on Monday, it was addressed to my insurance company. I was a little confused so I called his office and they explained that they couldn't submit it to the insurance I would have. This got me all out of sorts and confused and with a few more phone calls I learned this was in-fact true. I will have to write a personal letter to Managed Healthcare to reopen my case attaching the letter from UCI guy and SD doctor as new evidence. I seriously got my panties in a twist over this, I don't know way -- probably because I just didn't want to have to handle it myself, maybe because I was just plain tired and maybe because I thought my chance for getting this approved was slipping away. It now all rested on my letter, it had to be hard hitting, forceful, but not-to-long, but say all the right thing. Oh the pressure.

2. This above quandry, lead to one of many miracles last week. Due to my S.O.S, my cry for help, in last week's blog I was humbled by the response from you my loyal readers, friends and family. You jumped to the front of the battle lines for me and I can't even explain what this means to us. The people you have connected me with are already helping, lawyers, insurance coordinators, etc. They have relit my fire, helped focus my questions, pointed me in the write direction and given me hope. So thank you to all of you who took the time out of your busy lives to help me, you know who you are and as usual I am forever greatful. So here's where I am on the insurance fight.

• We have sent an email to the hubs HR coordinator to have her put us in touch with the Case Manager from our insurance for the company. Apparently they should have a little more pull then the people I talk to on the general member info line. We have asked some hard hitting questions of this person, one of which is why can't we just go to the doctor since they contract with our HMO just not our IPA/network. Yeah take that, throwing them a curve ball.
• Working on the letter to the Managed Healthcare. Will have my PCP read the letter and also write his own letter to attach with it. I need to have UCI guy rewrite part of his letter to make it a little more medical and a little less this is what she wants not NEEDS.
• Keep talking to as many people connected to this industry as possible to get all the ammo I need to keep fighting this. I'm not going to give up, it's not my style and now I'm all fired up again! Tiny but mighty, that's me!

3. You know how I've had that nasty cough, ok maybe you don't but it's been lingering for about 2 months. Well went back to my PCP on Monday and I have bronchitis yeah. Unfortunately for me this meant two shots in my butt -- one of antibiotics and one of the devil drug Prednisone. Although I wasn't too thrilled by this, the prednisone is already attacking my hips, my moods and my little moon face but on the flip side I really thinking it's helping my cough and some of my GI issues. So I guess bronchitis was a blessing in disguise to maybe give my broken body a little boost. Lets keep fingers crossed things keep moving on the upswing.

4. Another awesome thing happened yesterday. I was lucky enough to find a woman through one of my online support boards who has a k-pouch, has had it for 30 years, since she was 21. It gets better, she only lives 20 minutes from us and she was willing to meet me, walk me through everything and even show me how the K-pouch works. I know I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it. JaniceM, was a special gift sent to me. She did not hold back, told me the good, the bad, the ugly and the real. But also showed me just through her zest for life that this k-pouch does not hold her back, she has a full life and she's had it for 30 years so it shows longevity. I laughed, I got teary eyed and most of all I got excited. It all just reaffirmed that this IS the procedure for me, this is going to help me get my life back and the light at the end of the tunnel is coming. She encouraged me to keep fighting the insurance. She reminded me that it won't be easy and that we will always have bad days and good days. Janice even started connecting me with other k-pouchers in the area. She was hilarious and totally open and I LOVED it and appreciated it more than I can say. I hope that someday I'll be able to do that for a future k-poucher. It was AWESOME.

5. On Monday, I got take my little buddy J -- of J and A -- to his pre-preschool class. The class starts with all sitting in a half circle in those little bitty kid chairs. J was sitting next to me, a little shy. He had his head against my shoulder and then was rubbing my leg. I had my hand on his arm and then gently moved it back to my own lap. Just this little encounter started me all happy inside, but then J did the cutest thing ever to happen -- he reached over and intertwined his chubby little fingers in mine and held my hand:) No I'm not lying, this 2.5 year old actually did this. I know heart melting, holding tears back. And it's small moments like this that keep me going, remembering the sweet things and loving that I get to spend that time with him and so many other cute munchkins.

So this my friends was my eye-opening week. Just when I really thought I'd hit my lowest I was renewed again. We still have a lot in front of us, the fight for the insurance is still going to rage on and I still have to deal with this body. But I'm back, I'm ready and I'm not taking no for an answer and in the meantime I'm going to keep trying to do small little dances through all this rain.