As I'm sure is true for many people, I'm often drawn to a song because of its lyrics. Something in a song speaks to me or is something I can relate too and depending on what it is, I want to listen to the song over and over again.
One such song is "Ever the Same" by Rob Thomas, solo artist and lead singer of Matchbox 20. I heard this song about two years ago, just after my dad passed away and towards the beginning of this crazy health journey I've been on. The words touched right to my heart, and I cried every time I heard it. It was like it was written for me and the hubby.
You'll notice over to the right, that I have a cute new music player here on the blog. Ever the Same is the second song on the playlist. When I heard it, I was sure that Thomas was singing about something totally different in his life, but was so amazed at how it captured exactly the feelings we were having. I've been listening to that song a couple of times a week, sometimes over and over, since then. It gives me a release of emotion and says exactly what the hubby and I sometimes have trouble expressing in words.
Fast forward to last week, the hubs and I were watching some quality television, E! Entertainment News:) Thomas was being interviewed about his new album and subsequently his new single "Her Diamonds." And then it happened, he explained that he wrote this song about his wife's struggle with auto immune disease and how they are affected by it. We were both stunned, did he really just say what we thought he said?
We jumped on the computer immediately and did some research and sure enough, it's true his wife has been struggling with an auto-immune disease that mirrors the symptoms of lupus, throughout their entire relationship. He has written a number of songs about her struggle and his struggle trying to be there for her...one of the most poignant songs, written on a particularly hard night was "Ever the Same."
It made so much sense why I was so drawn to that song. It was not just my interpretation of the words but the lyrics were actually exactly our situation. We both teared up, then we listened to the new song, "Her Diamonds" and proceeded to cry.
I encourage all of you to listen to these two songs, they are the first two on my new playlist and they almost perfectly express what the hubs feels watching me struggle and some of the words are verbatim what I say. "She says oooh, I can't take no more..." I can't tell you how many times I've said this in desperation. or "You're no burden, I assure" -- heart breaking, how does he know...
It was eery but also so cathartic at the same time to hear the true meaning behind these songs. We are not alone and other couples are struggling with these same questions and bumps. It's not only the patient suffering but also the person closest to her, who can't do anything to fix it. A truly helpless position. It also expresses, what very few other people see because I don't allow myself to be so vulnerable or sad in public, but how I can really feel all of my feelings in the comfort of my man's arms.
Music has always been a powerful thing for me. When I was able to dance, it was a means in which I could let my body express emotion. Now, the words can touch my soul and put into words all that's in my head. Knowing what we know about these songs, only reinforces my connection to music and I'm so thankful for it. I'm also thankful for Thomas' honesty in sharing his struggle through beautiful song.
Here are the lyrics to both songs. I hope when you listen or read, you will be touched as well and given a better insight into this struggle or at the very least connect in your own way to the words. Enjoy!
"Ever the Same"
We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now
Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you so we both fall down
Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the Same
We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down under the warmth of the sun
Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Look at us man, this doesn't need to be the end
Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you so we both fall down
Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the Same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the Same
You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love
"Her Diamonds"
Oh what the hell she says I just can't win for losing
And she lays back down
Man there's so many times I don't know what I'm doin'
Like I don't know now
By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes
Says it's funny how the night can make you blind
I can just imagine
And I don't know what I'm supposed to do
But if she feels bad, then I do too
So I let her be
And she says Oooh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can't help her now
She's down in it
She tried her best and now she can't win
It's hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down
She sits down and stared into the distance
And it takes all night
And I know I could break her concentration
But it don't feel right
By the light of the moon she rubs her eyes
Sits down on the bed and starts to cry
And there's something less about her
And I don't know what I'm supposed to do
So I sit down and I cry too
And don't let her see
And she says oooh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can't help her now
She's down in it
She tried her best and now she can't win
It's hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down
She shuts out the night
Tires to close her eyes
If she can find daylight
She'll be all right
She'll be all right
Just not tonight
And she says oooh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can't help her now
She's down in it
She tried her best and now she can't win
It's hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down
** To my babe, thanks so much for standing by me, supporting me, loving me, even when I'm sure it's unbearable and it would be easier to run away. I know this hurts you too and I am in awe of how you take it all in stride and continue to love me no matter what. Thank you. I'm so lucky and blessed that you are always with me. I love you!**
5 comments:
Bravo...
What an amazing story about rob thomas. His songs will forever have new meaning for me.
May all of your diamonds someday flow endlessly under the warmth of the sun while nourishing the most beautiful lotus flower.
My diamonds were flowing freely as I read this blog. Just downloaded the new song to my itunes. It must be comforting to know that you and Chuck are not alone in your battle. The only people out there who can truly understand are those who are themselves fighting the fight and the struggle to survive one day at a time.
AL
What a beautiful post and unbelievalbe struggle for the two of you. I only hope for my marriage to be as strong as yours. Your both an inspiration to everyone and if we all could take your pain for a day, week or month we would.
I love you and hope to be by your side always through this journey. May new hope come soon and atleast for now a little J in your life will bring you some smiles.
xxoxoxo
Wow! Can't believe that song exists.. beautiful and tragically perfect.
How great to have a song that can be so close to your heart you can cry with it, nod in agreement to it and feel its meaning like the person that wrote it. Like your mom said, no one can know what it feels like to be in your shoes except those struggling with the same issues. But, we are here to love and support BOTH of you through this tough, tough journey.
I was never a big Rob Thomas fan, but I LOVE him now that he is helping you guys!!
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