Thursday, March 5, 2009


For the last couple of days, well ok really for the last two years but really focused lately, I have spent many moments every day wracking through everything to find one smigen of improvement in my health stuff.

I want desperately to answer the question, "How are you?" With the answer, "Actually I'm doing just a little better today and that's a step in the right direction," NOT "Well I'm same, but that's better than worse."

I'm wishing everyday that the antibiotics will quit with their side effects and let me see that they are helping. I'm also anxiously awaiting and hoping that the nurse from the drs office will actually return my message from yesterday to discuss said side effects.  

I know any resolution to my sphincter issues are on hold until April 9 and maybe this waiting period is what's making me so desperate again for some sort of progress. 

I have so many other wishes that are tied into making just small progress, don't really feel ready to share those yet, but as it's been for so long now (March 2nd marked the two year anniversary from the first time I entered the hospital because of my UC and the official roller coaster began) I just wish so bad to get on with my life, our life. 

So my number one wish of hundreds of wishes right now is to see just one glimmer, one small bit of improvement for even just one minute and I wish to have the clarity to see if I do make progress. I'm trying so hard, I really am and I want you all to know that I'm watching for anything positive to report to you. 


Jen Hodson said...

Cranster's with all that you are dealing with it is admirable to see you get up and just keep on going every single day with a smile on your face! You are a true inspiration to EVERYONE! And even though you do not think you have anything positive to report you do. Every time you blog, you may not know it but you are sending out a very positive report about everything that is going on and how you are feeling whether good or bad it is awesome!

Aim said...

If I find a genie in a lamp, I'll be sure to pass it on to you! I wish you didn't have to wish for those things... It completely breaks my heart that all this pain and slow progress is on your plate! Like Jen are truly an inspiration!