Probed

This morning I had my analrectal manometry, basically with a little catheter they tested for the tone in my sphincter...so FUN. The Dr and nurse were extremely nice and gentle, but they did ask if a couple of visitors from a medical school in Columbia could observe and learn the equipment. At this point, I say why not, I'm not shy, more people than should ever have to have seen those parts, why not share some educational experiences. So in they came.

The procedure only took about 15 minutes but I'll spare you the intimate details. Although I didn't get the official results today, I heard the dr telling the guests in a hushed tone that I had basically no tone in my inner sphincter and very little in the outer sphincter (did you know there were two layers?) He was saying, "you see this line should be way up here in this green colored zone, etc, etc." I will get the official verdict and what we do to fix it all on Thursday morning, when I see my sphincter man.

As for the antibiotics, due to some nasty side affects that I've been trying to deal with, I have stopped taking them as of today.  I tried to tell myself I just needed to give it time but after incurring a rash, daily migraines, total loss of appetite, intense cramping anytime anything did actually enter my system, increased blood and a distended stomach, I finally realized there was no way I would ever tell if they were working because things had actually gotten worse! 

So while I was at my appt today, I spoke to the fellow from my other drs office about it all and she said to stop them. She wasn't the most helpful human and her and I seem to have a difference in communication style. So now I'm waiting for her to talk to my IBD Dr and get back to me on where to go next. We'll see, probably try another antibiotic.

As for the Xray I had to see if the capsule from last month is still stuck in there, the results seem to be lost in the abiss. My regular GI's office is trying to track them down and send them over to Cedars. Ahh, the process is so easy isn't it?!

I leave you today with a little quote from the famously funny Gilda Radner, it sure sums up how I feel and how I'm trying to work through things, not easy but it's got to be done:

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity."