Monday, January 12, 2009


**Warning, if you do not want to read about my less than positive feelings, please stop now and come back tomorrow.**

I feel, like the pic says, Blah. I had ridiculously painful stomach pains yesterday that are carrying over to today. They don't feel like my normal pains, which at first made me worry I was getting a blockage or something, now I'm just ticked that they are still around. Honestly, the last thing I need is some new pains invading a space they are unwelcome in. URGH!!! 

I'm so over my body and this crap, literally and figureatively. I'm a pretty positive person, I mean at least I see myself that way, but some days I just want to say this SUCKS and nothing anyone can say or do about it (short of curing me) will make me feel better. I want to feel better, live my life, do things without thinking about how long that outing or event will require me to stand or be out and when I do venture out have to deal with the consequences my body throws down. I do a lot of stuff these days in spite of how I'm feeling, because I'm sick of missing out and I do a dang good job of grinning and bearing it all and putting aside the way I feel to have a little fun. But just one day I'd like for all of that to not even be in my mind, go back to just making decisions based on if I'm available or not. Do all the things that others my age are getting to experience and do. Haven't I been patient enough?!! (rhetorical, I don't need an answer here.)

Ok, enough of that, I have a lot more not so happy thoughts but I'm not going to go there today. So to pick me up, here are the things I have to look forward to this week and thank god too because otherwise not sure what I'd do. I get to spend tomorrow and Wednesday with the dynamic duo of J & A (my little munchkins, that I love so much) and A's fab mom! I am back on to my regular therapy sessions on Thursday, it's been over a month since I've seen my lady and so much has gone down, I'm sure the hour will go by in a flash, but I know I'll feel less weighted when I leave. 

That's it! Stay tuned for the regularly scheduled Al later in the week.


J@yeJ said...

Al, I just want you to know that I am thinking about you! I will email you shortly as I have been going thru the same thing since my procedure...what the hell? I want you to know that just cuz we don't see or talk every day that I think of you daily and wish you a restful day! You have been more than patient and this isn't fair! One good thing is that we are in good hands and a remission is in your cards! I hope you had a wonderful day with the kids! I am trying to think of something funny...

Jen Hodson said...

Way to unleash Al. I love it! Because yeah it does suck for you. You just need to go outside and yell from the top of your lungs "This Sucks". I bet you would feel even better if you threw in a curse word or two!:-) Love ya lots.

Aim said...

I agree with Jen! I think it's good when you "unleash" like that because getting mad and venting does seem to help in a lot of situations plus grinning and bearing it all the time will only make you more exhausted.

Anyway, as we have discussed, your body is totally evil- maybe you don't need all the "medical specialist" but a priest to do an exorcism. Your head would spin, you would poo out pea soup and then be cured!

Sorry things are especially rough for you right now- wish I could do more...

Love you!!!!

Al said...

You all are so great. I'm so thankful to have such understanding, wonderful friends in my life. Thanks for letting me have my "bad" days, it means so much to me.

Aim, I think you are right about the exorcism, I mean I poo out everything else why not pea soup, it just may work!